I Would like my reviewer to take a look on my thesis statement. I don't know if it is right or not. I was not sure about the design part of this essay either. Watch out my grammar mistakes, I was working underpresure.
The thesis statement is slightly difficult to identify, partly because of its location in the introduction... The design part was good. You addressed the design of the watch and how it helps it appeal to the mass market... I did notice a lot of little grammar and spelling mistakes but they can be edited easily... What i liked most about the paper was that it expained the design part of the paper very well. you addressed how the design of the watch makes it both attractive and useful to yourself and others... An area to focus on would be the introduction. In your introduction you mention how Armitron pides themselves on being the best priced quality watches in America, but you do not go on in the following paragraphs to support this claim. you also mention different types of watches for kids and adults. again, there is not support of how this plays a role in its design for different age groups in the following paragraphs.
1 comment:
The thesis statement is slightly difficult to identify, partly because of its location in the introduction...
The design part was good. You addressed the design of the watch and how it helps it appeal to the mass market...
I did notice a lot of little grammar and spelling mistakes but they can be edited easily...
What i liked most about the paper was that it expained the design part of the paper very well. you addressed how the design of the watch makes it both attractive and useful to yourself and others...
An area to focus on would be the introduction. In your introduction you mention how Armitron pides themselves on being the best priced quality watches in America, but you do not go on in the following paragraphs to support this claim. you also mention different types of watches for kids and adults. again, there is not support of how this plays a role in its design for different age groups in the following paragraphs.
Post a Comment